Damn! How short are you?
How’s the weather down there?
I bet you were a jockey in high school.
Say, would you mind getting something for me off that bottom shelf?
Wait, lemme put my foot up’side yours. What size shoe do you wear? That’s some tiny feet!
Up in front!
Hey, little guy, wassup?
For the record, I’m 6’5″ and wear a size 16 shoe.
There’s always time to reassess your reassessment
I wrote this guest post for Sahm King, on his blog The Arkside of Thought. I daresay it’s an honor to be on his blog, which rarely fails to stir up something fascinating. Look for Sam to reciprocate on Omniop soon.
Good morning boys and girls. Today we have a short surprise quiz. In boca al lupo!
1. If you discover that the marjoram you’ve planted has invaded the rest of the garden, the correct response is to
a) Run about wildly cursing
b) Start a campaign to denounce marjoram as the great Satan
c) Throw up your hands in despair.
d) Cut it back and move on to something else.
2. In the above example, marjoram can be likened to
a) The government intelligence agencies
b) Corporate greed
c) Annoying personal acquaintances
d) All of the above
I’m seeing a lot of stuff out there in blogland, from people I generally respect, about the great conspiracy to control us. The government is reading our emails to Aunt Sally, to find out exactly when and where we will meet for dinner. Corporations are conspiring to dictate our very desires, our taste in everything from clothes to music. People, we are being led to the slaughter like so many bovine schlemiels. Resistance is futile.
Except a few of us, small in number, but grand in courage and determination, have been able to see through it all. We few are smarter than all the sheep in America, hell, the world. They are being diabolically controlled, and don’t even know it, but we geniuses have their backs!
The exact nature of this forcible brainwashing is variable. A lot depends on what it is that we, as individuals, are having trouble being successful (okay, rich) at. Personally, I am pretty sure that, since I haven’t made a dime on poetry, that the combined forces of the government and industry have made it their mission to make people believe it’s not good enough. Literary magazines are in on it as well; you can tell from the poems they publish, which I personally can’t make head nor tail of. They don’t publish mine, therefore depriving the ignorant but somehow noble masses from seeing them. And paying me lots of money. Justin Bieber and Billy Collins are both in on this as well.
Bob Dylan probably started the whole thing.
Participating in democracy is not just shouting your particular dogma more loudly. It’s having the courage to face that dogma, and test it, to research and confront your most ingrained ideas. This requires hard work, I’m afraid, and may cost you some fair weather friends. If this doesn’t appeal to you, I’m sorry. Maybe democracy is not what you want.